No more Irish car bombs ever.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
