I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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