There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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