I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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