my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
