so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
