After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Randomize
