seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Randomize
