Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
