Jerry, you need to find god
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
