Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
