i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
