somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
