Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
