are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
