i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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