yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
