She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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