two words...techno handjob
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
It's shark week go big or go home
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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