that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
