If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
