Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
