oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
