I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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