I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
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