Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Randomize
