I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
