Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
