Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
