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party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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