Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
HIV tests are more positive than that guy
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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