First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Someone signed my nipple.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
