The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
