I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
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