Please, let me fuck your mom
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
