Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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