ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
