I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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