speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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