no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
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