soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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