Ketchup is God's man juice
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
