I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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