"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
