We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
