i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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