Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Randomize
