I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
