Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
