ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
