hotel room ftw
Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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