oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
